How to give a hug

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    How to Give a Hug, Proper Technique Including
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    Do's and Don'ts, CHAPTER 1, with Joe Shindelar
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    JOE SHINDELAR: So maybe a little bit to kind of just break it down.
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    What I want to talk about is the plan here.
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    In order to give an awesome hug, you kind of need to know these things.
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    You have to be able to define what exactly is a hug.
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    We'll also take a quick look at the types of hug
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    that you might want to give someone.
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    We'll talk about some techniques and some possible cautions
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    and warnings, things you might want to heed
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    when you're going to give someone a hug.
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    We'll step through and break down a hug,
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    and talk about all the individual components that make up a hug so,
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    when it comes time to practice, which is of course the last step,
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    we'll have a good idea of what to practice.
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    So a little bit about what exactly is a hug.
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    The dictionary says a definition for a hug
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    is a hug is a verb, to squeeze or embrace, usually with fondness.
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    I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, of course,
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    because I wanted to see what they said.
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    And Urban Dictionary said that a hug is a way of making someone feel
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    all warm and fuzzy inside without being weird about it.
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    And that's mostly true.
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    Sometimes hugs can be a little bit weird.
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    And of course, a hug is, basically it's a method of showing affection.
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    So that defines what a hug is.
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    We could talk about there's lots of types of hugs,
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    by no means limited to four listed here.
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    But you can kind of imagine all the different types of hugs
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    that you could give someone.
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    There's the family hug.
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    Like I like to give my mom hugs when I see her.
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    It's a hug that carries a certain amount of affection,
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    but it's not like a hug for my partner, or someone
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    that I'm in love with.
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    That hug might be a little bit different.
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    You know, I go to give my mom a hug, and it's kind of the-- you
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    use both arms.
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    I'll probably wrap them around her shoulders
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    and give her a pretty good hug, but I'm also
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    going to keep a little bit of distance between us.
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    Not like a real close, I'm giving my girlfriend a hug,
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    and that's going to-- you know, big, wrap my arms
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    around her, maybe a little umh, umh.
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    With my girlfriend, she likes to put her hands up, and I tend to, yeah.
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    I don't know if you've ever hugged a stranger before,
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    but there's the hug where you can try it.
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    Like you walk up to somebody in a grocery
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    store who's totally unsuspecting, and give them a hug.
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    I've actually done this, and it turned out
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    a little bit, well awkward to say the least.
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    I walked up to a woman in a grocery store.
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    And she was working there, and she says,
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    I walk by and kind of like uh, uh, uh.
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    And she's like hey, can I help you with anything?
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    And I said, oh yeah, I'm actually looking
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    to find where the chips are. And she points me to the chip aisle.
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    So I give her a big hug, and say thanks.
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    And she goes-- And it was a little bit awkward, but fun nonetheless.
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    You could talk about techniques for a hug.
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    There's a lot of things to keep in mind when
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    you're going to give someone a hug.
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    There's a one arm hug.
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    One arm over the shoulder, grab them.
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    One arm under, the other arm, pull them in.
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    You could do a one arm with a pat.
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    Kind of the bro hug, if you will.
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    Hey bro, how's it going?
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    You could do the bear hug.
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    At Lullabot, we really like the bear hug, the big,
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    I'm going to squeeze you bear hug.
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    There's the sort of limp noodle, stranger at the grocery store,
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    the hm, this is a little bit awkward.
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    Have you ever hugged someone, and you go to give them a hug,
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    and they just kind of stand there and go--
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    Yeah, that's the limp noodle hug.
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    Boa, basically with reference to snakes, right?
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    I'm going to squeeze you so hard that I'm
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    going to squeeze the breath right out of you.
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    Lots of different types and techniques
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    to keep in mind when you're giving someone a hug.
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    Some words of advice, things to keep in mind
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    when you're going to give someone a hug.
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    Watch out for people significantly taller or shorter that you.
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    This is actually really awkward sometimes.
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    I have a friend who's pretty short, and when I go to give him a hug,
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    It's always a little bit, oops, I'm hugging your head.
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    And that's kind of awkward.
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    Seth that works with us, and he's a tall guy.
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    And I go to give him a hug and, and I go up
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    and it's like, whoa Seth, hi.
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    He's like this much taller than I am,
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    and it can be a little bit awkward, something to keep in mind.
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    Watch out for people with bad breath when you're giving a hug.
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    Like you're getting a little bit close and intimate.
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    And sometimes if they've just like too much garlic or onions
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    for lunch, it can affect the quality of the hug.
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    Keep that in mind for yourself too.
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    You might want to have a breath mint before you go in to give a hug.
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    And of course, there's always the people that have a number of arms
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    is not equal to two can be a little bit awkward in a hugging situation.
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    Just watch out for that.
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    So here we are.
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    I want to break down a hug into its components.
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    These are the things that you kind of
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    want to practice when you're going to give someone a hug.
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    There is the approach component to a hug.
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    The approach is basically like you're coming up to a person,
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    and you're going to give them a hug.
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    How do you do it?
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    Generally, you walk up to them, and you
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    kind of step into it a little bit.
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    Hugs generally aren't initiated from a like two-foot distance
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    where you kind of go, and lean in and.
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    You might, but probably not.
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    More likely, you're going to kind of take a step forward, lean
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    into the hug a little bit, and put your arms up.
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    This kind of signifies to the person that I'm about to give you a hug,
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    you might want to get ready for this.
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    Once you get the approach and you're actually kind of in the hug,
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    there is the maneuver itself, giving the hug.
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    You approach in, you wrap your arms around the person.
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    At this point, you're kind of in what
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    I like to refer to as the maneuver.
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    You need to keep in mind things like how close am I
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    to this person, how long is this hug going to last?
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    How hard am I squeezing?
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    Where am I placing my hands when I'm hugging this person?
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    Are they on their back?
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    Are they on somewhere that they maybe shouldn't be?
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    Things to keep in mind when you maneuver a hug.
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    Probably the most important part of your maneuver is the duration.
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    And I find that there's sort of a direct correspondence
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    between the length of a hug and awkwardness of it.
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    Hugs can be awkward.
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    Generally, the longer a hug lasts, the more awkward
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    it's going to become.
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    And what you're kind of aiming for is that point right
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    where duration and awkwardness cross.
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    You probably don't want the hug to last so long that it becomes
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    awkward, but you also don't want it--
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    you don't want a premature release for your hug either.
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    So something to keep in mind, all in preparation for your release.
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    The release is probably the simplest part of the hug,
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    but still important.
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    You need to end it sometime.
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    You're in, you're giving them a hug.
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    How do you let go?
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    Is it sort of a oh thanks, pat on the back, step away?
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    Is it a quick release, like ooh, I'm not actually
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    sure I wanted to be here to doing that.
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    Things to keep in mind.
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    And of course, probably the most important thing,
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    if you're going to give hugs to people, is practice.
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    Basically, just start giving hugs.
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    People like hugs.
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    Find Lullabot.
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    We like hugs.
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    Give us one.
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    So a quick recap.
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    A hug is a device that allows us to make someone feel warm and fuzzy
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    without being all weird about it.
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    There's a lot of different types of hugs.
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    We talked about a few.
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    Hugging a family member, the bear hug, the boa hug.
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    And some awkward hugs too.
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    The bro hug, one arm over the shoulder, pat on the back.
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    We talked about some different techniques
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    for hugging, how hard you squeeze, where you place your hands,
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    things to keep in mind.
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    We also talked about things like watching out for people that have
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    fewer than two, and possibly more than two arms,
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    as that can cause some weirdness in a hug.
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    And then of course, remembering, as you're going into this huge
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    and you're practicing, think of it as an approach,
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    a maneuver and a release.

How to Give a Hug


In this video Joe Shindelar goes over some important information about giving hugs. He walks through the various facets of hugs, giving some demonstrations throughout on:

  • Defining a hug
  • Types of hugs
  • Cautions
  • Technique

As Joe admonishes in the video, don't forget to practice your hugging after watching the video. Practice makes perfect!

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